When buyers kill your gigs

Why is it that it’s buyers you bend over backwards for who turn onto crappy people you hope spontaneously combust one day?

A buyer asked for an article+meta descriptions and all the SEO trimmings covering 2 points. These were military discounts for couples at Sandals holiday resorts, and military discounts for families at Sandals holiday resorts. Other than that, their brief was bare bones. I had to figure out for myself that they get paid referral fees from Sandals for specific destinations, research these, and curate a non-salesy but suitably targeted copy accordingly.

In all, a $20 order took 5+hours and was delivered with lots of nice extras. These included a guide detailing exactly what to paste where in Yoast to get a green light for SEO, and a reminder that the client should insert their affiliate links in key areas.

All was going well until:

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I mean, who the hell is a family if not a couple with kids? Who are the families they are targeting composed of? Brothers, sisters, and grannies?

My guess here (because this is usually the case) is that this buyer is a reseller who has interpreted the brief from their end client incorrectly. This would not be so bad. However, this was my first ever review on this gig. Now I think I might just delete it.

Hello Buyer

I have seen that you had rated my communicated a bit lower. I would like to hear your opinion on how could I improve my service in the future.

Thanks,
Seller

It’s offtopic, however, how safe is to send this message? I have sent it to a client today. I don’t ask for changing the review or anything, just for honest feedback on how to improve my service. Of course, I think that his buyer rated 4 stars (in communication) as I delivered a few hours before the deadline.

Yikes! :scream_cat: I could never be a reseller - the clients would drive me batty! Other than that people really do not know how to write a decent review. The “Sandals is not for * families * with kids” line would confused the heck out of me if I were to read that as a potential buyer. I’d be asking the same question as you.

What the heck is family if not for kids?! :confounded: I’d chuck it off to the reviewer being fruity as a :crazy_face: :bat: ! Can anyone say "cuckoo cuckoo :bird: " :roll_eyes:

So, someone at 5r could interpret this as review manipulation - regardless of it being so or not. I’d word it a bit differently. Maybe something along the line of:

"In order to continue striving for excellent services in the future, I’d appreciate any recommendations on what I can do to improve; especially in communication. "

That way you are eliminating the word “rated” and “bit lower” as well as giving the rater a clear indication you are specifically interested in the communication (he/she should know that is the one they rated you lower).

Of course, someone else could probably word it better than me; I did not sleep last night so, bit woozy! :sleeping:

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I hate it when any order takes longer than it should. However, 5+ hours for $20 would drive me batty.

Freaky, I agree with Gina’s version of the note to the seller. :slightly_smiling_face:

Good Morning! It is 10 (-19 degrees C) here with a wind chill of -3 and it is snowing a bit and blowing a lot off and on.

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About as safe as eating a live hand grenade.

Don’t do it. You’ll just risk hurting yourself.

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A couple could be called a family, and some luxury spaces don’t allow kids (some people would like to enjoy without noisy children yelling and jumping around), so I thought that might be it. However, I’ve checked that company, and found this: https://www.sandals.com/about/resort-brands/

(@RegiAdd, please remove the link if you think that it’s inappropriate for it to be here :slight_smile: )

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Nope. All is good. You are allowed to have links on this forum as long as it’s PG-13.

I only remove links that references rated X materials & the likes! :slight_smile:

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Yes, that’s the link my client’s website uses in the family holiday section they wanted me to help drive traffic toward. Turks & Caicos was also the resort I focused on. Also, below is a screenshot of the first thing you see when visiting their landing page:

I would actually go so far as to say that this review is possibly malicious.

Anyway, one upside is that since my writing was (apparently) so widely off the mark my client needed to rewrite it, I can now use it as a sample article. They have also been blocked. I just wish I hadn’t left a 5-star review for them. I mean the blind review system is supposed to be transparent. However, sellers can’t predict problems such as a buyer asking a seller to provide one thing. while exopecting something completely different.

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Sandals needs to be educated into the ways of briefing. If you schlep someone off to your website because you’re too lazy to properly brief your [creative person], then you also need to note things like “WE ARE FOR DEMOGRAPHIC X!” is not, in fact true. So, I wouldn’t say that they didn’t interpret stuff well, I’d say that you’re probably a second, third, fourth hand recipient of the initial brief (We can’t wait to see what you come up with!!!"), possibly all originating from a $997 IM offer to make 6-figure months with just 30 mins a day and some awesome software and freelance sites.

@TheFreaky, I wouldn’t mention reviews at all even in the context of professional CS and “your feedback matters in helping us to improve our service” - like Cy says, too risky. You could try my route of passive-aggressive customer education (i.e. nice ways to say you flaming idiot), but I don’t particularly recommend that either - although if you can swing it, you won’t get a review, and may even get an apology. If you can’t…

Back on topic, I have fresh woes! I have 2 probable bad reviews coming up: one for my PR gig, which is already dead, and another for my rewrite gig, in which a man wants his pro bio rewritten to be “cool and non-pretentious, but hype” (spot the oxymoron). I have supplied the third rewrite now to cool hype with the world’s most dull pro bio in hopes that this is what he meant, while I’m just thinking of closing the PR gig for good because I cannot be held responsible for other people’s wild imagination as to what a cheap internet PR can actually do for their “news”. Especially if it’s a crypto scam that has just changed names and has no news other than “please gib monies”.

Happy Monday all! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Bios and about pages are the worst. My about page gig seems to be pulling in orders all of a sudden. However, ever order is a nightmare. I’m talking single parents who have had a flash of inspiration that they can be the next major skincare brand. They have 2 horrible pound shop body scrubs for sale on their awful website, and expect me to be able to turn them into Estelle Lauder.

EVERY order is a bucket of the same :poop:. The worst are the meditation and life coaches. There was also one unfortunate buyer who has decided on the brandname 4play. That would be fine if he sold something like male potency pills, but he was tapping the Vitamin C and (non-adult) skincare market.

From what I gather, I’m at the end of a unique Fiverr sales funnel. People with awful ideas pay an awful web designer to create an awful website. Then they buy an awful logo. Then they buy some awful SEO backlinks. Then they say "Hey you! Use all this to turn me into Jeff Bezos!"

I’m actually starting to soften to the crypto scams. They are idiots but they have the money to throw around because they’ve already convinced other idiots to throw money at them. So far I’ve been turning away as many as possible. However. now I’m at the point where I’m reading whitepapers they’ve paid $300+ for and thinking “this is just utter gibberish.”

My point is, most of these people can’t see when the content they take receipt of is gibberish or not. I’m, therefore, considering creating a whitepaper gig just to cash in on their ignorance.

These jobs should be a cinch, but they are not. They give you their achievements or CV, you sex it up a bit and make it sound good with a little flair. Normal people appreciate that they didn’t have to sit there and make their degree in sewing sound like a boon to their budding career as an astrophysist, and are happy.

That makes no sense, but then again, neither does it do so when a similar buyer barfs napalm on your screen because you didn’t make them sound like God, or whatever their approximation of their supposed powers is. The worst thing, of course, is this is all deeply personal. I do not know these people. I cannot know their inner wotsits. More to the point, if it’s a rewrite, I’m not meant to. I’m meant to make everyting sound better.

Crypto guys aren’t so bad, but I told them many, many times that “this may not be the right gig for you, as [xyz]” and they ordered anyway. I’m sorry, but if you’re going to drop hundreds of dollars but first check on the seller to see if they’re available and they say that… why did you buy? Surely the person you want to purchase from saying, “yeah…no.” is a good sign that you should tidy your wallet away?

You’re right about the crypto $$$ though. But a dirty, dirty business. And they never buy that one article gig I have about it! Which makes sense, but still…