The News, Now In Photoshop


#1

Because sometimes the news just needs photoshopping, even if you’re rubbish at it.

I think this would make a good film. So, I made a poster for it. Needs some work, but I think you get the gist of it:

As an aside, this is a photo of a young QEII pre-war, foreshadowing Prince Harry’s armband hijincks over half a century later (l-r: Queen Mum, Liz, Maggie, and George)

Anyway, if you’re reading a news story and have a photoshopping idea, why not share it here? Then we can all enjoy each other’s creations (or not).


#2

Come on people. Let’s see that photoshopping (lack of) skill! Since Meghan finally popped the sproglet out, I made a celebratory image (EDITED after Cy’s suggestion)

It’s more fun to reference all the surrogate rumors, isn’t it? I was going to use an uglier newborn baby to represent Prince Unnamed, but it’s not exactly his fault, so have a cute Alamy advertising baby instead.

News source: everything everywhere. Run and hide.


#3

You could pun this up a bit by saying "But is it heirs?"

I’m afraid I don’t have photoshop :frowning:


#4

You’re right. Dammit.

I do welcome ■■■■■■ MS Paint, too! This is not really a post for the artistically gifted…


#5

My Photoshop story was inspired by this aviation tragedy:

fat%20blocker

I was going to go with a crash dieting pun. However, I didn’t want to offend too much.


#6

My idea for that (which I eventually discarded for being too tasteless, even for me), was a cartoon fat man bouncing down the slide thingy after Superstewardess Tatyana booted him out.

I feel you may be more advanced than me at news puns. Have you consider a career in tabloid journalism?

I am also trying to figure out how to mix this gif

with this one

But I am defeated by being rubbish and technologically stupid when it comes to GIFmaking :frowning:


#7

I’d go with something like:

"It’s not a Ginger! Completely Mindblown!"

But to be honest, it’s a crappy gif.

Maybe edit it together with this one to add a bit pizzaz:

dino


#8

Meghan and Harry have named their darling child Archibald.

Archibald.

Dear little Archie is already 90 years old and doesn’t even realize it. I can’t be bothered to photoshop a baby onto a geriatric man’s face, so you’ll have to use your imagination. I would like to know who put their foot down on this name, too. It’s not quite Æthelbert, is it?


#9

But is it a ginger? That’s what the country really wants to know! Or did whatever cloning and selective broodmaring they did behind the scenes, manage to eliminate James Hewitt’s genes for good?


#10

I reckon he might not be a carrot top, but have dark brown hair with vaguely auburnish hints that catch in the sunlight. Archie is definitely a ginger name though, so we’ll have to wait for the big reveal when they unpack him from the acres of cotton he has been swaddled in.

Oh! Perhaps he got confused by all the pillowcase changing? He is basically holding one there. Not to worry, an angry and illiterate keyboard masher has put the DM to rights in support of La Belle Meghan et Famille:

#debunked


#11

Yeah, royal births are dodgy affairs. There is something fishy about Archie. However, I’m just wondering how long it will be before the royals go full on Pairs car crash or Monaco beheading with the Hollywood girl.

It’s exactly the same Princess Di formula as far as cutting her off from family and friends goes. To me, her expression has looked pained all the time too. Also, I’ve known a few pregnant women. Non of them stayed stick thin everywhere but the belly when they were peggers. They all got nice and chubby and looked better for it. Meghan went through her whole pregnancy looking like a starvation victim with the world’s worst case of trapped wind.

As for the royal luvies, they’re not real. Maybe one or two are. The rest are just spooks who sit behind computers attempting to steer public opinion all day.

All that said, Meghan does look a lot plumper now she’s had her imaginary heir to the Hewitt fortune. Maybe they whisked her out of the limelight to fatten her up a bit? Hopefully it will stay that way. Fat royals are always the most entertaining. Just look at Fergie, she gets up to all sorts of crazy.


#12

I like Fergie though, she’s always putting her foot in it. Toes, I should say. Hm, that would be a good photoshop. Maybe tomorrow…

I think Hewitt is basically broke now - last I heard he was living with his elderly mum and trying to do some posh hustle, but nobody was having any of it because what an utter cad he was. Best for H&M to ride the gravy train with their celebrity friends; who can forget the star-studded wedding of the year they had in which posh toff friends were not invited in favor of Clooney & Co?

I’d imagine the baby was born some time ago to the surrogate mummy and meg’s been raiding the biscuit tin as it’s not like she has to do any work when the world thinks she’s about to push out little baby Archibald.

Archibald. It wasn’t even fashionable in the 11th century dammit.


#13

When I hear the name, I think of a middle aged giant spider.

Of course, they may have a huge PR campaign in the works which centers on him being a super cool little prince who everyone calls Archie. George, Lewis, and Charlotte are bit boring, after all. And it’s not like Archie will ever have a throne to aspire towards. Might as well just make him a celebrity royal like his new adoptive mum.


#14

An ideal outcome for H&M would be to have no more kids and for W&K (ah, remember that awful drink?) to stop at 3 instead of machine gunning them out every two years to create a Victorian family unit.

That way, the kids could be the new fab four for a generation just a decade or two ahead of us who don’t remember the original fab four. I mean, recycling is good for the planet, so it must be good for the family - and especially Archie the Giant, Middle-Aged Spider, destined for a life of balding mediocrity. I picture him as Edward, just… more Edward.

With any luck, he’ll have one of those baby faces that look like a 40 year old man. The name demands it!


#15

How dare you! Don’t you know it’s a sackable offense to mock royal babies?


#16

huehuehuehuehuehuehue

Man, Danny Baker has always been lame (IMO, based on not much other than he’s a fat radio DJ who talks a lot of rubbish like they all do), but I’m just loving how this story is developing. I imagine he is a hero to tabloid newspapers just aching to share the saucy pillowcase story that can’t, so when Danny Baker does Danny Baker, they can hound him out of a job while indulging in the headlines they really want to write.

I’ve just warmed up to Danny Baker. He is the Prince of my Heart for today. Especially with this image, which has not been doctored by me in 20 seconds at all.

It was a very silly thing to do though. He must have known he’d be hauled over the hot coals for it.


#17

IDK. I thought Meghan was Latino. If he’d shown a faded picture of a cartel baby with an MS13 gang tattoo, I could understand. However, if I was Meghan right now, I’d be a bit annoyed at the very suggestion I might be offended by a monkey.

Sometimes political correctness just goes full circle.


#18

I thought she was white! I didn’t pay a lot of attention to her pre-marriage anyway. As far as I can tell as soon as she started her career she really downplayed the black part of her mixed identity - understandable, given how America and especially Hollywood are - and it wasn’t a thing for her until the royal family wanted to throw about its newfound woke points by having a commoner, an American and a black person marry in.

So I’m sure that she would be horrified at that whole thing, but will she take this situation to speak out against racism? If I was M - who isn’t that popular - I’d find that a good launchpad. Nobody cares about the washed up radio DJ who’s set for life, and she can add some + points. I’m sure her PR team is already working on it. I would be.

But as you can see, the DM is already hitting up the pillowcases at every opportunity. I wonder if Buckingham Palace has a moratorium on any suggestion of surrogacy.


#19

image

Not a photoshop, but old boy has succumbed to the Grim Hamster.

(DM slow off the mark to publish - Freddie does not qualify for a pre-ob, clearly)


#20

Not news, not (really) a photoshop, just a potatobrain masquerading as a journo. Comments are all pretty much along my lines. Witness the Great 100ft Sinkhole of Dorset and weep, mortals!

Story if you must.

srs tho, comments are gold.

Really.