I have someone who is possibly the scariest person I have ever had in my inbox at present.
It’s terrifying. They start with the vague line, “can you do copywriting for my startup?”
From experience, if I say something like “you would need to tell me more about your startup” or “what do you do?” I get back answers like, “it’s about soap.” For this reason, I sent out my overused questionnaire which breaks down what I need in simple terms.
Sadly, what was returned to me was gibberish.
Question: What problems do your customers face, that you have the ability to solve?
Answer: We have organic soap we want to sell. We want a name like organicsoap.com we will sell lots of different soaps. We need our website to launch in 2-3 days max.
They had basically just ignored every question to repeat what they should have said in my inbox.
Nighttime arrives and I go to bed. In the morning, I find 10+ messages from the same buyer messaging via different gigs. Do I have any questions? How much will it cost? Can they see samples of similar work? Do I offer discounts? They need a video too, can I send some samples?
Quite firmly I replied with:
I’m afraid I can’t help. You need to think logically about this. I do not know who you are or what your company does. There are thousands of different types of soap, I don’t know who your target audience is, what pages you need, or what your USPs are. I would advise that you go away and create a content plan and answer all the questions on my questionnaire thoroughly. Then I will let you know if I can help.
What kind of soap can you write about?
I ignore this and then later receive 4 pages of cut and paste text from an insurance company website.
This is how we want the content to look.
I reiterate that I can’t help for what I hope is the final time. Then comes:
And so now I’m off to the shop to get a bottle of wine